Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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