What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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