and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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