We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
