all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All the doctor said was why
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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