I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
