I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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