My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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