He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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