I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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