What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
