Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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