just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
