At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.