1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.