You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore