I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???