How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
