we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
