dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
