I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
