And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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