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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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