just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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