you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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