my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
