Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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