the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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