I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
