Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
