he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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