Having a random hookup so left but love u
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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