oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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