So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
