3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
