Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
