Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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