This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
