also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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