I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize