I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
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she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.