he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.