Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.