Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif