My hair reeks of homosexuality.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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