btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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