You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
