I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
