I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize