i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize