I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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