I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i've created a new STD.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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