So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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