your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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