If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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