just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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